huzzah!

school is out for winter break. i completely killed myself with over-scheduling this term so, walking out of that last class half an hour ago, my brain went numb with the possibilities of having time for myself.

watch out world, shit's gonna blow.

my whole life is a dark room ...

it's 4 am, and i'm working on my final project for photo class. i am starting to hallucinate, or at least to hear things. this is probably a bad thing, but at least it will keep me entertained while i finish these last two prints. there's nothing like seeing bunny rabbits climbing the walls just beyond the range of your vision, or hearing interesting directives hidden in songs you've heard a million times before, to keep the heart rate up and the boredom away. this is what comes from spending most of the night alone in the dark. your eyes stop working and your hearing grows acute in ways it was never supposed to.

or maybe it's just the sleep deprivation.

Currently listening: Miscellaneous T By They Might Be Giants Release date: 01 July, 1993

yes, yes ... cold, bitter heart

Current mood: giddy

in celebration of the fact that it is slightly less freezing tonight than it has been this past week, and the fact that i printed some absolutely exciting pictures tonight, and in honor of the overdose of caffeine coursing through my veins, i have decided to be in a good mood. sure, heartache like thunderous hunger makes me double over at regular intervals, and i have dug myself a variety of graves lately, being irresponsible and generally not very nice, and this morning a lady in a wheelchair made me feel absolutely horrible for locking my bike on the sidewalk, but i have decided to look beyond all these disastrous occurences and feel downright ok, even, how do you say, happy. and sure, war doesn't end and our "leaders" are murderers and my friends are often sad and crazy and NPR is telling me how to invest my money, but still my smile rages on. is this amount of chipper terminal? will i damage myself with such fateful optimism? perhaps.

so i'm off to drink some wine, stare at my lovely photos, pass out with my glasses on and see how i feel in the morning.

Currently reading: A Wild Sheep Chase : A Novel (Vintage International) By Haruki Murakami Release date: 09 April, 2002

janice needs ...

Current mood: blah

bored at work (again) printing crap pictures (again), i decided to copy heather and type "janice needs" into google. funny, though, the first thing that came up was some middle-aged british lady's blog about typing her name into google. she has the same name as me. how rude.
so ...

1. janice needs help.
2. janice needs to move on mentally and figure out a reasonable course of action.
3. janice needs to let christopher know what is acceptable and what is not.
4. janice needs to let him know she cares about him.
5. janice needs jesus.

aside from the last one, i can't really argue with that.

Currently reading: The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle : A Novel (Vintage International) By Haruki Murakami Release date: 01 September, 1998

i need the computer to tell me my age

it's true. myspace automatically updates my age for me, so i can tell that i just had a birthday and that i am indeed 32. i don't even have to do the math anymore. (i guess i stopped counting when i hit 21, or at least it seems that way. i really don't care anymore.)

but the real point here is to thank, again and again, the folks who made my birthday so special: annie for, well, everything. and food (except for the ambrosia salad). and making announcements. and for being the best. anandi for the cake, even though we kept getting in the way and she had to hide in the pantry to get it made. lee for potato salad. marcus for the bad teeth. elvis costello, for sounding so good on my crappy tape player in the rain. everyone who came to the park. everyone who hugged me the night before, at midnight. ivy for not pushing the fact, 1 am in wu's room, that it was, really, my birthday at that point and so i should go through the spanking machine. and, y'know, for being ivy. and to anyone i forgot.

and to those who were too hungover to show, well, i guess i'll forgive you someday ...

Currently listening: Original Pirate Material By The Streets Release date: 22 October, 2002

crapmachine

there's something really depressing about being here in my workplace, after hours, trying to print pictures for my photo class. i mean, the place is dark, the pirate radio is loud, the pictures look crap, and all i have to amuse myself is this internet thingie that i have so little experience with these days. craving human contact, i have myspace, which does not suffice. i mean, i can send you all raving messages until my fingers bleed, but will that get me a hug?

no.

oh, well. only four more hours to go...